It’s midnight. I should be sleeping by now, but I feel awake. Today has been a pretty good one. I met up with some friends and we natural fell into the subject of new things. One of my friends told me of her new goal to be more conscious and aware of current events: watch one ted talk a day, read an article a day, and read a book per month. I would have imagined such small additions to a routine to be impossible senior year, but now in the second semester, I believe I could also make this happen. Usually when I eat, I’m watching Netflix, when I’m getting ready for something I watch Netflix, If I’ve bad a tiring day and there is no much to study for the following day I…watch Netflix. I know, It’s bad. Today, I stop my online-streaming addiction. The same shows will be waiting in the summer, I can be more productive and efficient with my time. I’m living in a critical period of my life, one of growth, maturity, and shaping. I doubt Huxley or Upton Sinclair or Jon Krakauer spent time watching shows…or whatever was the equivalent in their times. They jumped into the streets and world to document, capture, explore. And dammit, I want to do the same! Anyways…so yeah. I used the money my father gave me for clothes to buy some books, the classics of course (Brave New World, Animal Farm, 1984, Into the Wild), and the rest of the books I found to be interesting, I will go later to the library to check out. I think motivation can be difficult to find and hold on to. For once in my life, I think I have finally uncovered some of it. Okay, a lot. But focusing my energy on what I have pictured in my mind is a flaw of mine. Because I have big dreams. Greater than anyone else around me does, or ever has. Greater than anyone close to me has even dared to think of. My family, well, we don’t expect much from ourselves. And the same goes onto our children, and their children. Somehow, I’ve made a tear in the tightly tucked blanket around me, one woven of the complete and outlined dream of a big house, picket fence, and two kids (yeah I used that cliche, sorry, I think the sleep is finally seeping in). The tear might have been from all the attention and support my grandmother gave me as a child and for her I will forever be grateful for, or the opportunities life has thrown out that I managed to catch, or the experiences laid in my path for me. I am fortunate even for the misfortunes that have fallen on me (although none as grave, lasting, haunting, or constant others all over the world have endured or encountered). In the vaguest sense, I am lucky with what I was born with. I have always had clean water, food, shelter, safety, education, a source of love and attention, along with countless other necessities and luxuries. As we have learned in my psychology class, I have the basic needs in life, and do not ever have to worry about them. Therefore, I am able to preoccupy myself with the “1st world” needs: self-esteem, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. I deal with self-esteem daily, but more the most part, I dare say, I’m quite confident. Small example: I dress for myself and only I, when I’m in a rush I’ll go into a CVS with my pajamas and glasses on, I’ll go get coffee with my retainer still on and an unwashed face (usually whenever my mom’s car breaks down and is in the shop, so I have to wake up at 5 am and drive her to work, so I can use my car later throughout the day). Wow I type a lot. Anyways, my main focuses are self-actualization, self-transcendence. While I don’t believe the pyramid of needs is completely accurate and evident through everyone and all experiences, I think it does apply for many people in many situations and it’s the start of a bigger discovery. I’ll write more frequently and consequently, hopefully, shorter (and more precise on my topic) from now on. Night.