Argument. Arguments. I really try my best to avoid them–I’m an extremely passive aggressive person. Because without the passive part, I would never be able to have any kind of peace. I guess you could say it’s my way of self preservation. The people that I depend on, rely on, are quite sensitive. And quite aggressive, strong headed, always angry people. Some people have this sort of block, a dense solid rock at the core of themselves. I myself have one. This hardened stone is all the anger we have ever kept inside. At first our frustration flows through our veins and seeks a way of escape. Some people express it, and for the most part the anger is let go. Others, like me, close of all of the windows, doors, and holes in the wall. Let’s say it’s a warm night. Your kitchen lights are on, and the window was unknowingly left slightly open. A moth enters and flutters around, sometimes you notice right away, other times you have been busy so it’s a few hours until you recognize its presence–or sometimes you don’t notice it at all–and every once in a while (consciously or subconsciously) you can hear its wings pattering against the walls, the light, or just as it passes by your ear. You can’t expect for the month to disappear on its own. If you don’t at least open the door, (and sometimes you also got to trap it or chase it outside) the month can not leave. So let’s say you keep the doors closed and the window is now shut (it’s dark out and there is a good chance that more moths and others insects would creep in without your knowledge, or the wind is simply too chilly). The month is trapped and endlessly flaps around until its short life span is completely lived. The month finds a resting place, and simply dies. Now, the month isn’t moving around anymore, creating sound and reminding you of its presence. But nevertheless, the moth is still there. And eventually you must open the door and release the month to nature–or else there will always be a dead month lying on your window sill. The moth might fall to the floor, and one day sweeping, it’s carried out–sometimes we do not even notice that the moth was let out, we simply forget it was ever there, or notice that it is gone one day. An odd metaphor, I know, but it’s what I believe best describes what a person goes through when dealing with a specific spark of anger. A pile of dead months is equal to that solid block. Your negative feelings gather until they affect your personality and slowly alter your attitude and perspective of things. However, that takes time, and gradually evolves if we do not simply let the damn moth out.
*I’ll edit this later, I just wanted to type a few thoughts before breakfast